30 May 2005

Wigging

Firstly, Melissa starts talking about chai lattes, when Richard had been talking to me about them yestersay... Noone has ever previously discussed this beverage with me before then! What's with that?
Then, on the way back from seeing a movie I see a parked car with the number plate: Fo shizzle yo nizzle... Did ya happen to see my previous post??! Weird!Last, but not least, we are almost back at the car - we start to talk about how there was supposed to be thunder storms all today. Sure, it was cold, and there was some heavy rain... I open my mouth to say we are lucky that neither of us got caught in a heavy shower on the way to work when, low and behold, the heavens open up and dump on us!! There wasn't even a spit to warn us - it just poured for about 2 minutes!! Talk about wiggy happenings!

29 May 2005

Gizoogle

What an absolute hoot, but then I am easily amused!

Gizoogle - Fo all you beotches who wanna find shiznit (*lol*)

You gotta try a search using it - and then translate a whole website.

For example, this is part of the my previous blog entry translated:

May The Force Pleaze Go Away Now?
(Article by Mark Morford, SF Gate)
Here is 13 reasons ta celebrate tha end of tha cute, overblown SW shot calla. Reasons fo` normal thugz ta git bizzle ta car'n `bout decent movies wit subtle dialogue n true motherfucka develizzles n nuanced plot lines not blingin' around a monochromizzles good/evil dialectic executed by barely emotive cartoon characta who hizzle somehow been brainwashed into think'n they're spendin' art so show some love niggaz. Admit these now, git it over wit, move on ta stoked th'n like wine n sex n pleasures T-H-to-tha-izzat hizzle absolutely zero ta do wit whoosh'n brotha . Snoop dogg is in this bitch. OK?

Hours of fun.

28 May 2005

Down with the Force

May The Force Please Go Away Now?
(Article by Mark Morford, SF Gate)


Here are 13 reasons to celebrate the end of the cute, overblown SW monster. Reasons for normal people to get back to caring about decent movies with subtle dialogue and true character development and nuanced plot lines not revolving around a monochromatic good/evil dialectic executed by barely emotive cartoon characters who have somehow been brainwashed into thinking they're making art. Admit these now, get it over with, move on to happy things like wine and sex and pleasures that have absolutely zero to do with whooshing lightsabers. OK?

1) Begone, Star Wars ubergeeks. Begone, terrifically strange and tragically lonely fan boys who camp out, weeks and months in advance, for SW tickets, even at the wrong theater. Drink the Kool-Aid if you must, boys. Your 15 minutes are way, way up. Never has a culture wished so deeply for a group of people to get deep into online porn and pop more Ritalin and stay the hell home.
2) Unfortunately, now the media coverage of such geeks will simply switch over to sad psychochristian fanatics who are already lining up for Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ" sequel, "Dead Things I Pulverize with a Cuisinart and Then Smear All Over My Hairy Catholic Chest."
3) Poor Ewan McGregor. Poor Natalie Portman. Poor Liam Neeson. Fabulous actors so completely drained of nuance and character you are left wishing Obi Wan would shoot heroin and dive into a toilet and have a deformed religious experience, and that Neeson might veer off and start asking Princess Amidala what her favorite sexual position is and how many orgasms she has in a month and what she really thinks about when she sees Vader's throbbing red lightsaber.
4) Farewell, the odd and recurring hype that claims, every few years, that George Lucas might, in fact, be one of the truly great, visionary directors of all time. He isn't. Not by a long shot.
5) Darth Vader choking a giant red M&M candy. Darth Vader staring down that creepy Burger King mascot thing. Darth Vader hawking cell phones and Energizer batteries and floor cleaner and breakfast cereal and who the hell knows what else. Good riddance, odious sea of SW product tie-ins. Like the goddamn franchise needs more cash? Like seeing Darth Vader hawking tampons and aspirin and Darth Vader-branded bunion pads is in any way necessary? Please.
6) Let's just say it outright: Harrison Ford carried the first three movies, period. Carrie Fisher was amusing enough, the droids were cute and infinitely annoying, James Earl Jones' Vader voice work was nearly a character unto itself. But no one topped Ford at delivering a cynical line or expressing incredulity or offering up that famous "Who, me?" look that would later come to such wondrous fruition with Indiana Jones. "Star Wars" without Ford's dry humor and bewildered mug is like a cheesy pinball machine without the ball: all bells and whistles, few genuine pleasures.
7) Two words: Jim Henson. Next to Ford, Henson's astonishing Creature Shop gave the first movies brilliantly wacky life, silly and tangible and honest. The last three flicks are just painful reminders of how much he, and his entire Muppet universe, are missed in this world, and how much computers have drained many movies of their soul.
8) Did I mention Chewbacca? Did I mention that maddening commercial where Chewbacca is in the booth recording sounds for the new series of "Star Wars" cell phone ring tones and oh my freaking God let's just imagine that for a moment, the pale little sexually denuded dude sitting next to you in the café who gets a call on his Nokia and when it rings it sounds like that weird famous Chewbacca howl, and you turn and look at him and wonder what he might look like if he exploded into a million bloody little geek-boy pieces like, right now.
9) Enough with the dissecting of SW plot lines. Enough with the seeking of deep mythological parallels. Despite all those blogs and articles insisting SW is some sort of modern iteration of "Crime and Punishment" crossed with "Dr. Spock's Guide to Parenting," there is little of true intellectual substance to speak of in any of the SW flicks, and say what you will about old-time '60s radical Lucas' commendable desire to criticize current rabid right-wing ideology via his simple good/evil allegories, the overarching plot of SW is so basic and the execution so orthodox, you might as well be watching "The Bad News Bears," stoned. It's true.
10) The late, great master of myth Joseph Campbell loved the first three "Star Wars" movies. He saw in them a wonderful modern-day example of his favorite allegory and recurring cultural theme, the hero's journey. Joseph Campbell is dead now. Even he was ready to move the hell on.
11) This is from the recent Rolling Stone interview with Lucas, with Lucas examining a plot thread: "Is Anakin a product of a super-Sith who influenced the midichlorians to create him, or is he simply created by the midichlorians to bring forth prophecy, or was he created by the Force through the midichlorians? It's left up to the audience to decide." Note to George: You are 61 years old. Stop speaking like this before you hemorrhage something. And see item No. 9, above.
12) Raise your hand if you love the concept of prequels. Ten years of crappy CGI and 10 years of lumpy stiff acting and 28 years of waiting and you watch "Sith" where only the last 30 minutes really finds any sort of cinematic footing, and after all that screaming and all the cheeseball animation and all the slaughtered Jedis and the stilted, lifeless dialogue and heavy Vader wheezing and Yoda's irritating speech impediment, where do we finally end up at the end of Episode III? That's right: 1977. And who the hell wants to be back there?
13) I'll happily admit that the first three films were breathtakingly rich allegories for their time, landmark filmmaking, funny and quirky and cutting edge and cute fun for the kids, full of wry characters and state-of-the-art special effects saddled to a rather generic, by-the-numbers hero's journey sprinkled with the occasional subreference to Buddhism or the fine art of egolessness.

Read the full article at the SF Gate website