15 January 2009

Ryan Adams Quits?!

"this is the time for me to step back now, to reel it in and i wish everyone peace and happiness"

I can't believe this... the rant that follows was posted, then promptly removed, from Ryan's website... March is apparently the end... Thank Fuck I have tickets to see him in February!

DAVID RYAN ADAMS: me- 34-a non smoker and happy, for the first time in my life..

i am excited to finish this wonderful time i have had with the cardinals and whatever new adventures may come after march. atlanta will be my last venture with the band and i am grateful for the time we have had and maybe someday we will have more stories to tell together. i am however ready for quieter times as i think it is very evident i am struggling with some balance and hearing issues.

also, no drama or anything but i am okay to step back from all of this right now and i think i did enough manic blogging when i felt alone and isolated during the last few years of travel. these last few years were the hardest i can remember and the most rewarding but i have loved ones to care for now and i am lucky i have been given a chance to turn around and see just what i am capable of as a friend and as someone who is not gone forever every year- it rendered me incapable of things i needed to be to myself and others- and my schedule sometimes never ended when the shows did- and some of that was my doing. and i lost someone i loved, and i lost myself.

that changed. i got to know just who i am in this little spell of time here recently. and change is the nature of the world and i naturally embrace that.

i won’t be blogging here anymore either- but not for effect- it just is not being kind to myself- i need a life that is mine- i need to grow up and grow in to who i have subtly been working back towards since i stopped all that nonsense and i know also no matter what i choose to do in the music world, because i chose to do things my way and never lie i will always be viewed as an “asshole” ( i hear and have seen things in the past) and i am not, and i know the truth and i know who i am.

also it is kind of ridiculous to blog as i am a musician and anything i say here just gets reprinted at some point out of context. i say NOT FAIR but it doesn’t matter what i say anymore or what is fair anymore really does it- the 21st century media has it’s own rules about what is true and what is not. it is not a life- not one i want to live anyway and i don’t really care to participate in narcissistic over-indulgent behavior anymore- that was never my intention- i just wanted to fight for my right to make music and to be given the benefit of the doubt. now, because i have stood up for myself and fought for myself i am labeled all kinds of awful things. well, i will walk away now and it will not matter what anyone say’s. there are other things i can do in this life, other ways to be creative and to try and help others and be expressive without being demonized for attempting to gain the same things any other human being desires- love- friendship- understanding- and being able to express yourself without constant fear of being mistreated for speaking up

i have friends to make, brand new books coming (two of em’ not counting that one already printed and on it’s way out there and i LOVE writing….yay!) and a whole lot of living and learning to do.

i am excited to step away. i lost more than anyone will ever know (hearing, someone i loved, my sense of dignity, a never ending losing battle with stage fright and now my hearing and balance due to an inner ear issue- people accusing me of not being sober when i am suffering tremendous pain and nausea from my inner ear symptoms- people accusing me of theft (THEFT- ….awful) and this is not much of a life, not glamorous like those ridiculous video’s a long time ago television played and no it is not monetarily as rewarding as people would like you to believe and yes, it is soul destroying. especially when you spend your life trying to write about the really difficult stuff and you stand there losing your way and people yell at you like you were in a circus. when it was your dream to matter and you realize one day, it never mattered- i mean, i am a punch-line and a footnote in what is worse to yell at someone besides “free-bird”. i mean, i lost. and it’s okay because i seriously snuck some pretty neat idea’s in there in the work when i was making those mistakes or they were being made by others. this business is no science.

and you know, whatever this is- it’s not my dream. and it is a punishing thing to endure when you are getting worse and worse- it’s not my dream, my dream was to try and tap into that energy i saw watching Minutemen vcr tapes when i was just a little shit in NC of mike watt’s crazy shaking leg and his electric fingers- or how sonic youth droned into beautiful clouds those guitars shaking, kim and steve rattling the pulsing lines into feverish thudding imaginary subway cars racing through my heart- and how it felt to just let go and static up a riff and find the sweet spot- but getting yelled at for just being a songwriter- to be called so many horrid things because i chose to love music so much, and also to look for peace and balance in my life- that is not kindness and just not my thing. at least not now.

and i loved somebody. and i let others decided if that was okay and that was wrong and i was wrong and no one should deny themselves or others love or understanding because people don’t get it. that was an awful mistake. i always make big mistakes. it’s like i let myself learn that because that was a role, a niche’ i filled that make sense to a loud voice of strangers who would never really play a real part in my life.

never become that if you choose this path- if you go this route with your art. never listen to those loud dissatisfied bystanders who only want to see you fail because that will be entertaining for that moment. hold fast to your dreams, hold faster to your heart and never step out of the light of that love that made you whole. i did. and i know better now. and better late than never i suppose.

but i am okay now. i see a peaceful way to better days now. i am healing. and most importantly i feel loved and i have learned to treat myself with that same curiosity and lover that i have been lucky enough to feel and to learn to let guide my life. love is the great teacher and i am happy to be learning now. happy to be listening to that over this never ending painful ringing. this is the great lesson of my life. for once i want to be dignified in my study and in one place long enough to hear and understand without my pride or my lack of faith in myself leading me further away from things i need to know once and for all.

this is the real work now. the rest is something else entirely.

quitting smoking was a good step and i am happy i also am just now beginning to understand how important it is i take better care of myself in every way right now. hell i am even beginning to sleep a little and i can feel the things good and bad that i did not have time to feel when i was running towards a new oblivion of work, hoping somehow someday what i did would be accepted and maybe that would make me feel loved. how foolish.

that is not love. love is being accepted for who you are. love is taking care of yourself and caring for others and dreaming out loud when it matters. not chasing rainbows. not hoping for some eventual collective sigh of approval which will never come. how did i ever think in those terms? i always knew better. thank goodness i know now how to be honest with myself.

anyway, enjoy these shows ( i will enjoy them immensely and i will miss them just as much) and know that i am not abandoning anyone, not the cardinals and not the fans, this is just something i need to do now, and that i loved playing music in the cardinals and hell, even before i was in a place to try and learn to be well, music was my life source- and cardinals was such a heavy crush and a real dream…i honor it too much to have any regrets right now, i am just proud.

maybe we will play again sometime and maybe i will work my way back into some kind of music situation but this is the time for me to step back now, to reel it in and i wish everyone peace and happiness and if music is your dream, or if just dreaming is your dream, may you find your way through the rough patch with ease and i hope you let go and it takes you all the way there-

loving kindness to all.

End Quote.

I hardly know where to begin...

02 January 2009

Upcoming Movies, Wish List #9

I've not made one of these lists in a while; I thought it was about time. There are some great-looking/sounding films right around the corner (or just out in NZ), and one of two that are a way off but hugely anticipated (Watchmen, Watchmen, Watchmen!!!) (ed: 07 Mar - just saw the Watchmen; pretty darn awesome!).

In no order of preference:
Last updated: 05 March 2010 (Completed!)

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button [imdb] (seen it; loved it!)
Director: David Fincher; Starring: Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett
Comment: Tells the story of Benjamin Button, a man who starts aging backwards with bizarre consequences. Great actors (in my opinion), and hello?! David Fincher (director of Se7en, Fight Club, The Game, and Panic Room.. ha, I notice a couple of other Pitt movies here; both are awesome flicks, so Fincher and Pitt seem like a winning team to me).

The Tale of Despereaux [imdb]
Voices by: Dustin Hoffman, Matthew Broderick, Emma Watson, Kevin Kline
Comment: The tale of three unlikely heroes - a misfit mouse who prefers reading books to eating them, an unhappy rat who schemes to leave the darkness of the dungeon, and a bumbling servant girl with cauliflower ears - whose fates are intertwined with that of the castle's princess. I think the story sounds cute, and the visuals look spectacular.

The Spirit[imdb]
Director: Frank Miller; Starring: Gabriel Macht, Samuel L. Jackson, Scarlett Johansson, Eva Mendes
Comment: Rookie cop Denny Colt returns from the beyond as The Spirit, a hero whose mission is to fight against the bad forces in Central City. This looks awesome - full of cheesey dialogue and action; come on, its Frank Miller! (writer/director of Sin City, writer of 300).

Doubt [imdb]
Starring: Amy Adams, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Meryl Streep,
Comment: Set in 1964, Doubt centers on a nun who confronts a priest after suspecting him abusing a black student. He denies the charges, and much of the play's quick-fire dialogue tackles themes of religion, morality and authority. Power-house cast based on successful play. Nominated for 5 Golden Globes.

Inkheart [imdb]
Director: Iain Softley; Starring: Brendan Fraser, Andy Serkis, Eliza Bennett
Comment: A little girl (Bennett) rallies her friends -- both real and imaginary -- to rescue her father (Fraser), a bookbinder who can bring characters to life by reading aloud, from the clutches of an evil-doer (Serkis). Hmm.. comparions to Spiderwick Chronicles and Bridge to Terabithia (Inkheart is also based on a bestselling series of books). Still, Andy Serkis as the bad guy will be cool. The director was responsible for Hackers (yay), Backbeat, K-Pax (never saw it), and The Skeleton Key (oooh dear).

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans [imdb]
Director: Patrick Tatopoulos; Starring: Rhona Mitra, Michael Sheen, Bill Nighy
Comment: A look at how the werewolf named Lucian (Sheen) led an uprising against an aristocratic vampire sect -- a revolt that will mark the beginning of a centuries-old war between the two races. Well, what can I say. I was a fan of the first film. I saw the second one. Now there is a third, which I will go see, but with low, LOW expectations. It was shot in Auckland though, which is one point in its favour. Underworld 3 makes it to this list because of my curiousity.

Killshot [imdb]
Director: John Madden; Starring: Thomas Jane, Diane Lane, Mickey Rourke, Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
Comment: Husband and Wife (Lane and Jane) are placed in the Federal Witness Protection program after witnessing an "incident". Thinking they are at last safe, they are targeted by an experienced hit man (Rourke) and a psychopathic young upstart killer (Gordon-Levitt). Sounds like a paint by numbers formula, but it is based on a Elmore Leonard novel (Get Shorty etc). I am a big fan of Joseph Gordon-Levitt after his role in Brick.

He's Just Not That Into You [imdb]
Starring: Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Connelly, Scarlett Johansson, Drew Barrymore
Comment: Romantic woes affect an interconnected group of Baltimore singles and marrieds. We've all read the book. This is packed with some great actors and actresses, and 90s nostalgia. I think it will be a hoot!

Coraline (3D) [imdb]
Director: Henry Selick; Starring: Dakota Fanning, Teri Hatcher, John Hodgman
Comment: A young girl (Fanning) walks through a secret door in her new home and discovers an alternate version of her life. Suitably creepy (based on a book by Neil Gaiman!), I think this film will be fab. FYI: Selick was the one actually responsible for Tim Burton's A Nightmare Before Christmas (Burton didn't direct it!), and the cool underwater claymation scenes from The Life Aquatic!

Fanboys [imdb]
Director: Kyle Newman; Starring: Dan Fogler, Jay Baruchel, Kristen Bell
Comment: Four guys and their galpal plan a cross-country trip in order to steal a print of Star Wars: Episode I -- The Phantom Menace from Skywalker Ranch so their dying friend can see it before its world premiere. I think will be hilarious; I've been readingh about this for a while in Empire mag, and its high up on my list of films I will definitely be going to see this year! (Plus, its got Veronica Mars actress Kristen Bell in it, which is awesome!)

Confessions of a Shopaholic[imdb]
Director: P.J. Hogan; Starring: Isla Fisher, Hugh Dancy
Comment: Charming Manhattanite Rebecca Bloomwood (Fisher) is an out-of-control spender/fashionista, so it's a bit ironic when she lands a job as an advice columnist for a financial magazine, and she becomes an instant celebrity -- complete with access to all the fabulous things she so desires. But will her compulsive habits ruin her career, and her new-found romance? I've read all the books (by Sophie Kinsella) and love the characters. I have high hopes for this film (fingers-crossed). I really think Isla Fisher can pull off the character of Becky.

The International [imdb]
Director: Tom Tykwer; Starring: Clive Owen, Naomi Watts
Comment: Interpol Agent Louis Salinger (Clive Owen) and Manhattan Assistant District Attorney Eleanor Whitman (Naomi Watts) pool their resources in an attempt to break up an international arms dealing ring financed by a high-profile bank. This is the first Hollywood film from Tykwer (he is responsible for the terrific German film Run Lola, Run). We may get a taste of what Owen would've been like as 007.

Watchmen [imdb]
Director: Zack Snyder; Starring: Jackie Earle Haley, Patrick Wilson, Carla Gugino
Comment: Set in an alternate vision of the year 1985, the murder of an ex-superhero causes a vigilante named Rorshach (Haley) to look into the matter, an investigation that reunites him with his surviving old colleagues -- all of them former superheroes themselves -- and gradually unveils a conspiracy with links to their shared past and catastrophic consequences for the future. The first preview blew my mind. I'm a late comer to the comic (also blowing my mind). This is at the TOP of my list for a list of reasons too long to put here (including Zack Snyder of 300 awesomeness, the cast, the source material, the soundtrack...)

Sunshine Cleaning [imdb]
Director: Christine Jeffs; Starring: Amy Adams, Emily Blunt, Alan Arkin, Steve Zahn
The Plot: Industrious single mother Rose Lorkowski (Adams) starts an unusual business in order to send her son to a private school; alongside her unreliable sister (Blunt), the two women enter the world of biohazard removal and crime scene clean-ups. I am loving Amy Adams - I loved Enchanted, Miss Pettigrew, Junebug, I love her in everything I have seen. I think the cast and unusal concept of this film will be a winning formula (can't wait to see Adams in Doubt as well - see above).

And a little further down the track...

Duplicity [imdb]
Director: Tony Gilroy; Starring: Julia Roberts, Clive Owen, Tom Wilkinson
The Plot: A pair of corporate spies (Owen and Roberts) who share a steamy past hook up to pull off the ultimate con job on their respective

Knowing [imdb]
Director: Alex Proyas; Starring: Nicolas Cage, Rose Byrne
The Plot: When Ted Myles (Cage) begins to suspect that his son has discovered an artifact that accurately predicts natural disasters and other catastrophes, he goes on to believe his family plays a role in the events that are about to unfold.

Monsters vs. Aliens [imdb]
Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Rainn Wilson
The Plot: After being hit by a meteorite on her wedding day, Susan Murphy (Witherspoon) is transformed into a monster named Ginormica and subsequently whisked away to a secret government compound where others like her have been rounded up over the years. When the Earth comes under attack by aliens, however, Ginormica and her new allies are set free to save the planet.

Fast & Furious [imdb]
Starring: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez
Comment: The feud between ex-con Dominic Toretto (Diesel) and agent Brian O'Connor (Walker) is reignited back in Los Angeles, where a crime has pitted the two men against one another yet again. However, when they realize they have a common enemy, they put their past behind them and unite to stick it to their foe. call me a sucker, but I like Fast and the Furious and am looking forward to this comeback.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine [imdb]
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Ryan Reynolds
The Plot: An origins story that follows the early life of James Howlett (Jackman), also known as Logan, and best known as Wolverine. The chronicle of his younger years as a mutant connects to his relationship and eventual falling out with Victor Creed/Sabretooth (Schreiber), and his fateful entry into the Weapons X project, the governmental program that turns willing and unwilling beings into living weapons.

Star Trek [imdb]
Director: J.J. Abrams; Starring: Eric Bana, Simon Pegg, Winona Ryder, Karl Urban
Comment: The origin story of Captain James T. Kirk, Spock and the crew of the USS Enterprise before they had boldly gone where no man had gone before. I've never liked Star Trek... but this movie looks... great!

Angels & Demons [imdb]
Director: Ron Howard; Starring: Tom Hanks, Ayelet Zurer, Ewan McGregor, Stellan Skarsgard
The Plot: Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) finds himself in Rome, where he has to race against time to prevent the Illuminati, a secret society, from putting in motion a terrorist act that could destroy the Vatican. He's aided in his quest by the beautiful Italian scientist Vittoria Vetri (Ayelet Zurer).

Terminator: Salvation [imdb]
Director: McG; Starring: Christian Bale
Comment: John Connor (Bale) is joined in his attempt to defeat Skynet and its army of Terminators by Marcus Wright (Worthington), a man who apparently has been rescued from the past, though Connor wonders if instead he's been sent from the future as a foil to his plan. As Connor and Wright push deep into the heart of Skynet, they get closer and closer to learning the secret behind the organization's mission to wipe humankind off the planet. This movie has the potential to be better than T2!

Drag Me to Hell [imdb]
Director: Sam Raimi; Starring: Alison Lohman, Justin Long
The Plot: A loan officer (Lohman) ordered to evict an old woman from her home finds herself the recipient of a supernatural curse, which subsequently turns her life into a living hell. Desperate, she turns to a seer for help, while evil forces work to push her to a breaking point.

The Year One [imdb]
Starring: Jack Black, Michael Cera, Olivia Wilde
The Plot: When a couple of lazy hunter-gatherers (Black and Cera) are banished from their primitive village, they set off on an epic journey through their ancient world.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen [imdb]
Director: Michael Bay; Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel
The Plot: Decepticon forces return to Earth on a mission to take Sam Witwicky prisoner, after the young hero learns the truth about the ancient origins of the Transformers. Joining the mission to protect humankind is Optimus Prime, who forms an alliance with international armies for a second epic battle.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince [imdb]
Director: David Yates; Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint
The Plot: In his sixth year at Hogwarts, Harry Potter discovers even more about the evil Lord Voldemort's past, thanks to his mentor Dumbledore and mysterious textbook marked "This book is the property of the Half-Blood Prince." By the end of the year, nothing will ever be the same.

01 January 2009

Concerts Rocked [2009]

04 Feb: Ryan Adams and the Cardinals @ Powerstation [Review] [My Night] [NZ TV Interview]
17 Feb: NIN @ Vector Arena [Review]
18 Mar: Coldplay @ Vector Arena [Review]
25 Mar: Kings of Leon @ Vector Arena [Review] [My Night] [My Night & Part 2]
08 Apr: Killers @ Vector Arena [Review] [My Night]
01 Aug: White Lies @ Studio, K Rd
18 Oct: Gomez @ Powerstation [Review] [My Night]
31 Oct: Ladyhawke @ Powerstation
27 Nov: Pearl Jam @ Mt Smart Stadium [Review] [My Night]
08 Dec: Animal Collective @ Powerstation [Review] [My Night]

Movies Seen [2009]

39 Movies Seen in 2009

03 Jan: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (I must say, what an awesome movie to start the year on. Loved it!)
05 Jan: The Day the World Stood Still (saw this by accident - I screwed up the movie times *sigh*)
06 Jan: Quantum of Solace
15 Jan: Vicky Cristina Barcelona
29 Jan: Twilight (the first movie I have seen TWICE at a cinema in years)
24 Feb: He's Just Not That Into You
07 Mar: Watchmen
21 Mar: Underworld 3
31 Mar: Nick & Nora's Infinite Playlist
29 Apr: Monsters vs. Aliens 3D @ Imax
30 May: Knowing
09 Jun: Terminator: Salvation
11 Jun: Star Trek (x100 better than Terminator)
16 Jun: The Hangover
11 Jul: Transformers 2

NZ International Film Festival
11 Jul: Red cliffs;
12 Jul: In The Loop
13 Jul: Moon
14 Jul: Ponyo; Thirst
16 Jul: The Chaser
18 Jul: Wendy & Lucy
19 Jul: The Limits of Control
20 Jul: Dead Snow
25 Jul: Antichrist
26 Jul: Coraline 3D

06 Aug: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
07 Aug: GI Joe
11 Aug: Drag Me To Hell
22 Aug: District 9
27 Aug: Inglourious Basterds
13 Sep: Seraphine
29 Sep: The September Issue (loved this doco!!)
09 Oct: 500 Days of Summer
13 Oct: Disgrace
23 Oct: Surrogates
03 Nov: An Education
18 Nov: Away We Go
20 Nov: A Serious Man
21 Nov: Twilight Saga - New Moon
01 Dec: Twilight Saga - New Moon
06 Dec: Where The Wild Things Are
07 Dec: Valentino: The Last Emperor
21 Dec: Avatar 3D

(On the down low... *coughs*: Slumdog Millionaire, RocknRolla, Ghost Town, Changeling, Babylon AD, Gran Torino, Zack & Miri Make a Porno, Transporter 3, The Wackness, The Wrestler, Rachel Getting Married, Doubt, Milk, The Reader, Fast & Furious 4, The Secret Life of Bees, Fanboys, The International, Sunshine Cleaning, Push, Confessions of a Shopaholic, I Love You Man, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Year One, Julie and Julia, Zombieland, My Sister's Keeper, Jennifer's Body, Public Enemy, Angels and Demons)

Books Read [2009]

26 Books Read in 2009

04 Jan: Absolute Watchmen, by Alan Moore
04 Jan: Savage Grace, by Natalie Robins
05 Jan: The Spellman Files (Spellman Series, Book 1), by Lisa Lutz
22 Jan: Dexter in the Dark (Dexter, #3), by Jeff Lindsay
01 Feb: People of the Book, by Geraldine Brooks
06 Feb: Coraline, by Neil Gaiman
06 Feb: Curse of the Spellmans (Spellman Series, Book 2), by Lisa Lutz
07 Feb: The Graveyard Book, by Neil Gaiman
23 Feb: When Will There Be Good News?: A Novel, by Kate Atkinson
02 Mar: The Last Watch, by Sergei Lukyanenko
07 Mar: No Dominion (Joe Pitt Casebooks #2), by Charlie Huston
22 Mar: Remember Me?, by Sophie Kinsella
07 Apr: Dexter By Design (Dexter, #4), by Jeff Lindsay
03 May: The Gypsy Tearoom, by Nicky Pellegrino
11 May: The Forest of Hands and Teeth, by Carrie Ryan
03 Jun: Number 9 Dream, by David Mitchell
03 Jul: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, by Seth Grahame-Smith
04 Jul: Bone Crossed (Mercedes Thompson, #4), by Patricia Briggs
30 Jul: The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes (Volume 1), by Neil Gaiman
10 Sep: Revenge of the Spellmans (Spellman Series, Book 3), by Lisa Lutz
15 Sep: Godmother: The Secret Cinderella Story, by Carolyn Turgeon
06 Oct: The Monsters of Templeton, by Lauren Groff
12 Oct: Skin Trade (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #17), by Laurell K. Hamilton
27 Oct: How to Talk to a Widower, by Jonathan Tropper
29 Nov: Dead and Gone, by Charlaine Harris
24 Nov: A Touch of Dead (Southern Vampire Mystery Short Stories), by Charlaine Harris