02 October 2010

Fighting

It turns out you can't really cruise along... without hitting the rocks at some point. In this relationship we've never fought - we've snapped at each other, and had minor grumps that just fade. There was the One Year Anniversary debacle, but that wasn't a fight.

So last night we got to celebrate our first one (fight that is) - in the true tradition of fights it started with something small... almost a misunderstanding... that ended up opening a huge can of killer vipers (worms would've been a piece of cake!).

There was crying (by me of course, boy can I cry - even if I don't want to), shouting (also by me), storming off (yup, me again)... And, back at my place alone in my room I cried some more; until after 2am... Not much sleep was had, and it certainly wasn't sound.

Today, a continuation of the Talk went better - I managed to keep the crying, and extreme emotions, at bay. There were realisations, but no solutions or conclusions... because it isn't as black and white as that.

Now it's the "I need a few days" phase... who knows where that will lead?

All I know is I've been sporting for a mature discussion on our relationship for a few weeks now, but hadn't brought it up yet... I feel like that might have made the fight happen... Perhaps a bit of sub-conscience sabotage? It wasn't all me - it was a joint thing, but... I just can't help but wonder if my heart's 'solution' to the questions I've been having is just to ruin everything...

Because, I still don't know what I want, or how I truly feel. Who knows, I might not have a choice in the matter after a few days...

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