22 May 2012

Somebody that I used to know

It has almost been two months since the break-up.

It is strange how clarity can come with time.  I did know the following, but it was all confused in my head.  Then it suddenly hit me; something so simple it summed things up.

The part of my text that upset R*b was: "but I don't know if we are meant to be together".  24 hours later he sends me his cowardly email.

But, that was the whole point of our one month break: to find out if we are meant to be together!!!! For one month I struggled with my feelings. I made the point of the break very clear, and there were multiple times when I said that we might not be together at the end of it.

It took him seeing those words from me in a text, more than a month since we had been on a break, to make him think. Then he spent less than a day deciding that we weren't meant to be together... I can only assume he was pre-emptively splitting with me. It's ironic I guess, because I said "I don't know..." and I meant it. His reaction to that text (I called him to talk) immediately sealed his fate for me - it WAS indeed over (cue tears). I just never got the chance to break-up with him and explain (because of the break-up email he sent).

I had spent weeks thinking about the 'us' I thought we were. I gave time and thought and heart. Those are a few of the things I felt he never properly gave me.

So, that's all I wanted to say. It took me two months after his email to go: haaaang on, our 'break' was all about whether we were meant to be together or not!! It took me that long to sift through all the emotion I guess.

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