24 June 2014

Umm... WTF?! #Ex



The Breakup.. was a while ago now. This was my first big relationship, which led to my first big breakup.

24th March 2012*. I had to look-up that date (good for me!). That was when he sent me an EMAIL (after two years together), telling me he didn't want to see me again; that he was unfriending me and my family on Facebook. As a matter of fact, I had realised it was over - we were on a break and I knew I had to end it for good. He emailed his break-up email before I had a chance to speak to him face-to-face.

And that was it. No nothing for all this time.

A few weeks ago I got a notification email from LinkedIn - my profile had been viewed... by my ex. It gives you a little jolt/shock inside. Today I got another notification...

Then he 'added' me.

Feel the weirdness of that... Nothing for more than two years, but: hey let's network!??!!??!

I accepted in order to message him, to tell him it's just weird; passive stalking... (ed: unless you have a paid/premium account, you can't message a non-contact on LinkedIn).

Now there is a small dialogue. I got to write the word 'coward' for him to read. Because he was (is?) one.

I still don't know why he sent me The Email (i.e why HE wanted to break-up). He now tells me he was angry, and couldn't talk with me face-to-face. Which doesn't explain anything, except "I was angry, so I sent an email"... I don't know what I did to make him so angry... I don't know if I'll ever know.

There would've been anger and tears if I'd had my way, but it would have been in person; messed-up adults. I know why I needed to end the relationship...

I did get an "I apologise" (quote). Too little, too late. And, really, I don't think "I'm sorry" means anything after all this time. It's not about wanting an apology for an email.

Was there a point when his anger had become less? The less-angry-point where a person might want to talk with the other person, and explain... understand. I wanted that closure, but I gave up on it as the days/weeks/months/years went by.

To be continued... ?


*Thinking back two years made me search back in this blog for that time..
20-Feb-12: The Talk
21-Feb-12: a picture said it all, broken
12-Mar-12: Not All Poetry Rhymes
25-Mar-12: aptly named post, It's Over
22-May-12: Somebody That I Used to Know
18-Jul-12: On Relationships and Matters of the Heart, where I compare my ex to a defective (murdering?!) toaster haha Go me!

Quite proud of myself reading back on those entries.

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