09 July 2014


Continued from the post, aptly named 'Umm... WTF #Ex'

So, June 24th the contact from my ex started up (after two years of silence). It's now 9th July, and the discussion - any discussion - is over. It was actually all over last Friday.

I don't know why he looked me up after all this time (his answer of "curious to see what you were doing" doesn't seem like the whole story). I decided I wouldn't play a guessing game or read into the emails; that's just all assumption.

(That said, if I had to guess, I would guess: loneliness. Again, only he knows the answer.)

I fell into the trap of just chatting back and forth (all via email) one night... answered some questions, asked some of my own... But we're not friends; we're strangers now. Strangers with a history that means you can't just go: "hope you had a good day... I had a headache all yesterday, didn't get much work done" - I can't respond to that!  I'm a caring person but: so what if you have a headache?! You're my ex, who sent an email and left my life for two years! You can't have my sympathy.

I called him on it, bluntly; asked him where all this was coming from.

And, what do you know, the reply I get is: "Actually, I think I will just leave you alone. My apologies, I just wanted to chat." He doesn't get to chat with me. He lost that right when he said, and I quote, "I never want to see you again".

I replied that he if he ever wanted to deal with stuff, he could contact me. I told him to take care.

I was talking to a girl friend the other night, and I admitted that at first it was hard to respond to him in a way that would mean closing the door (again); your heart kinda goes: but but he's back. He's not back though, that's the thing. And I KNOW I am better without him. I KNOW I am better alone than with just anyone/him. This wasn't a 'sign'.

After all this time, it did give me some closure, which is a good thing. Closure for me here is not all about answers (because I didn't get many explicit answers from him). His reemergence and emails set some things right for me, and that let me turn the page, close the book, whatever metaphor you want to use, for good.

In fact, speaking of metaphors, here's a famous one for you:

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;

—William Shakespeare, As You Like It

No comments:

Post a Comment